In my experiences individually and in my time with clients, a common question has been, "How do I find the best therapist for me?" Here we will talk tips finding a therapist that is in alignment for your highest growth...
1. Are their actions and advisements in alignment?
This comes back to the old saying you may have heard from someone in your life at one time or another, "Do what I say, not what I do," which is not what you are seeking from a therapist. This person is supposed to have their stuff in check and be a neutral support. Psychoanalysis identifies as this phenomena as countertransference--where the practitioner projects their experience as yours. This then creates a deficit in the boundary making a not safe therapeutic space.
2. Don't feel stuck!
Therapy will have its harder moments and our job is to challenge you. However, if you feel like you are not connecting to the person--get moving! I always encourage a 3 strike rule to give them an opportunity, give yourself the opportunity and then if it is still not working, seek assistance elsewhere. I tell all of my clients I would not be offended if they changed to another therapist as we are all here to support and encourage best lives how the client defines it for themselves. If a practitioner is saying otherwise, I encourage you to move on.
3. Theoretical orientations
There are all sorts of approaches when it comes to supportive therapy. One of my wise teachers on my journey as a therapist shared with me, "If you identify as eclectic, you will sound like you don't know what you are talking about." Basically it comes to the saying, "Jack of all trades, master of none." Mind you, it is ok to acknowledge and be familiar with other theoretical orientations and other approaches. However, if there is no consistent basis to assure meeting goals, this is an ethical dilemma and you may want to question if they are the best practitioner for you. Differentials come down to style which therapists personalities come into play, yet it still should have some similar ways to get to a goal.
4. Don't go to multiple therapists at the same time.
I have had to have this conversation with some of my extremely committed clients who are trying to live their best lives with over therapizing themselves. There is such a thing as too much when it comes to therapy. As with everything in life, it comes down to balance. If you entire life in consumed with wellness and you are not working--that in itself is not wellness. Time outs can be extremely effective for more intensive needs, which I highly encourage these persons to goto a residential inpatient setting for those specific situations. Outside of that, give your therapist the opportunity to work and develop with you--you may be pleasantly surprised at what you can achieve with consistency with one person.
5. Don't Give Up On Yourself!
I will always honor the sacredness of an initial session with a person because it takes so much courage to show up and talk to a stranger about the intimate details about yourself. With that being said, if you have a bad experience with a therapist--there are many to choose from! It's just like if you go on a bad date, does that mean you will never date again? NO--on to the next one. Same with therapists. Also, if you are challenged and feel uncomfortable with some of the topics discussed, talk to the therapist and discuss with them. We are here to be your support, your neutral guide, your biggest cheerleader--therapy is hard and we get it. Please talk to us.
If you are seeking a therapist, please do not hesitate in contacting us at Walles Wellness
We are here to assist in your definition of Wellness.
The information provided in this blog is not meant to treat, diagnose, or provide therapy to any said person or readers. If you are having a mental health emergency, please do not hesitate in contacting your closest Crisis Line, call 911, or go directly to the closest emergency room for assistance. Mahalo.